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Time On Her Hands

“Will you please keep quiet!”

The words were no sooner out before Lisa regretted her outburst, the familiar feeling of guilt welling up inside her. Luke and Natalie looked at her in dismay, their hands poised in the air as they stood on the edge of the pool, ready to dive into its azure depths. They’d been having so much fun with the other children in their holiday complex, but the screaming and shouting had finally got to her. All she wanted was some peace.

She turned over on her sun-bed and closed her eyes against the glare of the sun. This holiday had been a mistake. She should have stayed at home and concentrated on her business while Michael went away with the children. How could she have agreed to spending two weeks doing nothing? It just wasn’t her.

Her career was everything. She’d built up her own small catering business over the years and although she’d left the day-to-day running to her sister, Nicola, she was terrified that something would go wrong and all her hard work would be for nothing. But her husband had insisted on this family holiday to Majorca, and she had sensed a vague, subtle threat in his declaration that they all needed time away together, as a proper family. She had no choice but to accompany them but it was turning out to be purgatory.

She could feel Michael’s eyes on her as she shifted position once again. The afternoon sun was hot now, its rays beating down on her body like knives. Her lunch lay uncomfortably in her stomach and all she wanted to do was retreat into the cool confines of the apartment and check her emails.

That was the only stipulation she had made – an apartment with a wireless internet connection so she could keep in touch with her customers and Nicola. Just before leaving to go on holiday, she’d managed to win a new client and she had to know what was going on while she was away.

Sitting up, she glanced over at her husband who seemed to be asleep, his eyes closed as he soaked up the sun. She felt a sudden stab of envy. How she wished she could just lie there and forget about everything! How wonderful it would be to indulge in a spot of daydreaming!

Rising quietly, she kept her eyes on Michael, holding her breath in case he opened his eyes and saw what she was doing. Just as she was tiptoeing away in the direction of their ground floor apartment, Luke shouted out happily, “Mum! Come in and see what we’re doing!”

She paused and looked back to see her husband smiling at her. “Going for a dip, love?”

Lisa felt her irritation rise again and shook her head. “Just going to the loo. Won’t be long.”

She could see the disappointment in her son’s eyes as he turned away and executed a perfect dive into the pool. She knew he’d been doing well at school lately with his swimming but she’d never had the time to go and see him perform. Another pang of guilt hit her as she opened the door of the deliciously cool apartment, the peace and quiet a balm to her frazzled nerves. All the shutters were closed tightly against the heat of the sun but she could make out the laptop blinking away at her in the corner of the room.

Feeling as if she was committing a terrible crime she sat down and opened her mailbox, the long list of emails making her groan with frustration. Several were marked “Urgent” and her stomach clenched with nerves. How quickly could she get a flight home, she wondered, if there was something she couldn’t solve out here? Thank goodness she had internet access so that she could look up flights.

“What are you doing?”

Her husband’s voice, quiet and controlled but with an edge of anger, made her jump. She turned around but he was silhouetted against the bright sun outside, so she couldn’t see his face or how angry he was.

“This is supposed to be our holiday,” he said to her, his tone still even. “Can’t you leave that for just two weeks?”

“You know I can’t,” she retorted. “This new client is so important, Michael! If it goes wrong I’ll never forgive myself!”

“More important than us? Than watching your children play in the pool?”

She shrugged. “There’ll be other holidays. The children are still young.”

He moved towards her and she could see now how angry he was, how he fought hard to keep his voice calm. “This is time you’ll never get back, Lisa! Every minute with them is precious!”

She heard what he was saying and hated herself for being like this. When the children were babies she’d vowed she’d always put them first, but the boredom she felt at being cooped up all day made her feel as if she were going mad. It was acceptable for Michael to pursue his high-powered career but she was condemned as a bad mother for her ambition. Ever since she was a child she’d felt the need to live up to her parents’ expectations and she couldn’t put her life on hold now. It would be impossible.

“Please understand, Michael. I just need to sort out these emails and I’ll come outside, I promise.” She watched as he gave her one last hard stare before turning and striding through the door, his shoulders rigid with anger. Sighing, she sat back down at the screen, but the sound of running steps and a shout from Michael made her jump up again in alarm and run towards the door.

Outside she could see Michael jump into the pool, a sobbing Luke standing at the edge. Her legs felt like jelly as she ran towards the garden, her heart hammering a tattoo in her chest as she realised what had happened. Michael was under the water and she could see a jumble of colours at the bottom of the pool as he dived in.

“Oh no,” she sobbed as she watched her husband surface with their daughter in his arms. Natalie was limp and lifeless, her face like wax. Next to her Luke sobbed harder, great choking cries that evoked some primeval emotion in Lisa. Kneeling down beside her husband and daughter she willed Natalie to move.

“Please darling,” she sobbed as Michael gently blew air into her lungs. “Please live…”
I’ll never forgive myself if she dies, she thought as she watched her husband’s desperate movements to save his daughter. Memories of Natalie as a baby sprang into her mind, how she’d loved to dress her up like a pretty doll, her first day at school, the endless chatter that characterised her daughter’s personality…

“I couldn’t save her,” sobbed Luke, huddling close to his mother for comfort. “She said she had a pain in her leg…she just kept going under.” He cried harder. “What’s going to happen?”

Lisa held him close and felt his small body tremble. At ten years of age he couldn’t be expected to look after his younger sister. “It’ll be OK,” she soothed. “She’ll be fine…” Lisa watched as, with a choking cry, her daughter’s body suddenly sprang back into life. Michael turned her on her side and gently held her as she shivered and cried out.

“Mum,” she murmured and Lisa knelt next to her, stroking her arms, relief flooding through her as she realised how close they’d come to an unbearable disaster, the ultimate dread of every parent.

Later, as she sat and watched Natalie and Luke scamper around the town square, their movements carefree and happy, she took Michael’s hand. “I’m so sorry.”

He was still angry with her. At the hospital where they’d had Natalie checked out, he’d barely been able to look at her, his attention totally focused on their daughter as the doctors reassured them that she had come to no harm. Where did they go from here?

Michael took a sip of his beer. “We’ve got to do something, Lisa. We can’t carry on like this.”

Lisa’s stomach flipped with anxiety at his words, but she’d already made up her mind. I’ll never forgive myself, she had said. The first time she had been thinking about her new client but she realised now that her family were everything to her.

“I’m going to let Nicola have more of a say in the business,” she announced quietly. “She’s more than capable of taking care of things while I’m away.”

“What about checking your emails?” Michael asked, looking over at the children.

“They can wait,” she answered and held her breath, waiting for her husband’s reaction. He didn’t say anything, just sipped his drink and continued to watch Natalie and Luke race about the square, their crazy games involving the local children who were delighted with their new friends.

“It’s just, at times like this…” he trailed off, still watching his children. “We want you back, Lisa. The children miss you.”

Lisa relaxed slightly and took her husband’s hand again. “I never went away. I’m still here.”

There was a moment of silence between them and then, with a shout, Luke came running over to the table. “Look Mum!” His face was alight with excitement and he grabbed Lisa by the hand, pulling her to her feet. “Come and watch me do this!” As her son dragged her away, Lisa turned around to look at her husband who was smiling back at her, and the look of love and pride was evident in his eyes. Breathing a sigh of relief at last, she knew that everything was going to work out just fine.