Normal service resumes

We were back to normal this morning, with Sophie off to the gym, and me starting the day with a coffee and the news on BBC1.

Keith came with me in the car as he was going shopping, and I had a better day at work, although I was busy with emails. I'm going to have to try and finish the moan report this week, as that is now overdue, but I'm sure people will understand!

At 4pm, I went home and wrote a list of things I need to do tomorrow. It's growing ever longer! It was good to sit and read the paper and chat this evening, and Sophie cooked again, preparing chicken burgers with roasted new potatoes and salad.

After we'd eaten, Keith watched Newcastle v Spurs, and it didn't start until 8.15pm! I pitied the poor Spurs supporters who had to travel back down to London when the match finished at 10pm!

Early morning torture...

Sophie and I had a hygienist appointment at the dentist this morning, and I was dreading it after our visit in June! It was pouring with rain again, and we had to find a space on the residential street a short walk from the surgery.  

Sophie was seen first, and I could see her twisting her hands tightly as the hygienist prodded and probed in her mouth. The sound of the vacuum machine is particularly horrible! However, afterwards, she said it wasn't as bad as last time, and it didn't take long, thank goodness! 

I explained how sensitive my teeth are since the last visit, so the hygienist put some numbing gel on my gums. She told me not to swallow as my throat would go numb, and I almost freaked out! It wasn't too bad at all, except for one bit where I felt like I had multiple hands and tubes in my mouth!

I was hugely relieved when it was all over, and we could escape! We sloshed our way to Northampton, and I arrived at work at about 9.40am. I was staying until 5pm when Sophie would collect me on her way home from work.

When I walked into the office, I was amazed to see that the wall divider behind my desk had been removed and all the notices had been scattered on my desk. My computer mouse was missing, and my phone list was gone. I wasn't too happy, to be honest! I'd only missed two days, but it felt a lot longer!

Everyone was sympathetic, and I knuckled down and tried to make headway with all the things I needed to do. Kathy was clearly unwell and went home at lunchtime, leaving me to answer the phones with Angela for an hour until Shirley came in to take over. She wasn't feeling too good either, and was suffering with stomach pains... we're dropping like flies!

I felt a little overwhelmed with all the things I had to do, and I was glad of the extra hour once everyone had gone home. Our MD had arrived in the early afternoon, and when I'd popped to the loo, Sara told him about Dad. When the office was empty, we had a chat about our respective parents, so that was lovely, and he was very sympathetic.

Sophie collected me at 5.15pm, and we trundled home in the dark. I checked my emails and found a message from the funeral directors with a link to a tribute page for my Dad. I was feeling overwhelmed again and said I would sort everything out on Wednesday when I'm not at work. The celebrant is also coming to see me on Wednesday, and I've made an appointment to register the death.

Deciding that was enough about the funeral, I played cards with Keith, and Sophie and I enjoyed the rest of a bottle of wine. She cooked a delicious beef stroganoff for dinner, and after we'd eaten, we watched the rest of Groundhog Day. 

I went to bed hoping that tomorrow wouldn't be as traumatic!

Deck the halls!

I was awake at 6.30am this morning and ready for a hectic day. Outside, the sun was about to rise, and it looked like it was going to be a gorgeous day. Cold, but sunny, and just how I like it!

Once coffee and Wordle were out of the way, we made a start and brought the trees in from the garage. We hadn't bothered to put them up on the eaves, and it felt like we'd only just packed them away. Who knew that when we packed them up last year, we'd lose two members of our family?

Sophie did an absolutely fantastic job of putting up the trees and decorating them. We moved one of the armchairs into the window, and I cleaned and dusted. My job was to arrange the gonks, and I had trouble getting them all onto the little set of shelves! I also put up our Santa Claus wreath on the front door and replaced the batteries in the lights.

The house was in uproar as we cleaned and decorated, but by 2.30pm, we were all done. Sophie and I ordered food, beer and paper plates, etc, from the Tesco grocery website for delivery on the 10th of December, so that was sorted and for a fraction of the price that the pub was going to charge. 

We also picked out photos and music for the service, which made me a bit tearful. We had to feel that the music was right and the lyrics suitable. I had twenty-six photos to find that portrayed my Dad's life, and I was pleased with the ones we chose.

At about 2.45pm, we drove to the tip to take the boxes and old planes of my Dad's as they were cluttering up the garage. Why I didn't get rid of them five years ago, I'll never know. We had to book our slot, and the tip was quiet with only another couple of cars there. Most of the stuff we managed to recycle, which was good news as I would have hated to see his things go into general waste.

Once we were done at the tip, we drove into Brixworth and visited the Co-op for squirty cream, marshmallows and hot chocolate. Unfortunately, I could only find hot chocolate and the Sunday newspaper, so we drove to Mawsley instead, where I was able to find what we wanted for a hearty drink when we got home!

We took the scenic route and stopped to take photos of the sunset and the gorgeous sky:

Sophie made the hot chocolates when we arrived home, and I scanned the photos we'd picked onto the computer and made a folder. I was shocked when I opened up the folder after adding a couple of photos to see one entitled "Man in the clouds" and the outline of a face... I have no idea where it came from, and then it disappeared a little while later. I can't explain it at all.

We made a unanimous decision to skip dinner tonight (beef stroganoff) and have sandwiches instead! We settled down to watch Christmas With The Kranks, lit the candles and made sure the heating was turned up! It was a lovely end to a hectic day!

Making decisions

We awoke to truly awful weather this morning, but at least we were warned about it! We had a lazyish start to the day before contacting the florist who had been recommended by the funeral directors. I liked the idea of a flower aeroplane for Dad, but they suggested we take over one of the model planes and see if they could incorporate it into the flowers. We went out to the garage, and Keith managed to get my Dad's planes down from the eaves where we'd stored them five years ago. Most of them were without wings, and just the fuselage, but we found one which was intact. It was filthy, but I cleaned it up, and we said we'd take it to the florist this afternoon. 

Outside, the weather grew worse with torrential rain, and Mooney came in soaked to the skin! He loves it when we dry him with a towel! Sophie and I had showers, and just before 12pm, we drove to Walgrave to the pub to see if we could hold the wake there. Unfortunately, they couldn't do the 11th as they were so busy with Christmas lunches, so we provisionally booked the 18th, which meant we'd have to change the funeral date at the crematorium. The landlord gave us two buffet menu options, and Sophie and I had half a Guinness each. 

We sat down, and we were all a bit surprised at the cost of the buffet. The cheaper of the two was £15.50 a head, while the other was £19.50...  We have no idea who will come, but with thirty people, the total will be quite hefty! I was glad we hadn't booked the room properly! While we were sitting, we discussed what to do, and we decided to hold the wake at home. The only issue will be the parking, but it will be a weekday afternoon, and I'm sure we won't inconvenience too many people.

We returned home for a lunch of cold meats and potatoes, and then drove to the florist in Kettering. Magnolia was a gorgeous shop selling flowers, arrangements, candles and knick-knacks. On the way over, I realised that maybe the woman in the florist's thought the plane was going to be small, so I wasn't surprised to see her face when we walked in with a huge model aeroplane! She said she would do her best, but I  have a feeling we'll resort to Plan A! 

From Kettering, we drove to Market Harborough and visited Majestic for wine and the hire of glasses. We picked out six bottles of red Porta 6 from Portugal and six bottles of a white South African Viognier. They will deliver on the 10th, which was a bonus!

We called to see Mum, and she was asleep when we arrived. Sophie sorted out some photos from her albums, and it was lovely to reminisce about their holidays and their lives together. 

As we drove home, the rain had cleared away, leaving the sky a beautiful shade of indigo blue. The trees looked gorgeous, outlined against the sky. Back at home, we played Scrabble and Sophie made us cocktails with raspberry syrup, vodka, lime and cranberry juice and egg whites. Our game was neck and neck, and I narrowly won!

Sophie made a delicious pasta bake for dinner, and we enjoyed a bottle of Duncan's Merlot du Donjon with the meal and afterwards while we relaxed. Our viewing choice tonight was A Haunting in Venice, which Keith and Sophie didn't care for, but I loved!

A photo of Moon Bums:

Black Friday indeed!

I had a much better night's sleep and woke feeling more refreshed this morning. Although I am sad about my Dad's passing, I feel he didn't have much quality of life, and he would have hated to linger for ages and suffer. I am determined to remember him as he was, and the comments I've received on Facebook have been lovely, saying what a great man he was, which was true. This is one of my favourite photos of him, taken in 2006 with his Mum, Winnie. My parents had renewed their wedding vows, and it was a lovely day.

Sophie went back to work this morning, Keith went shopping, and I pottered about doing housework until he came home and I helped him put everything away.

At 12.30pm, we drove to Kettering to the funeral directors. I was dreading the appointment, but I was pleasantly surprised. We saw Lloyd, who reminded me of one of our Landlords at the pub, Peter (also since passed away but a great character), and he was exceptionally friendly and helpful, without being sappy. I couldn't have borne it if he'd been mawkish!

We were shown to a pleasant boardroom-style office, and he took all of our details. We chatted for about an hour, and provisionally booked a date for the funeral on the 11th of December. The funeral directors handled everything, even the flowers, the notices in two local newspapers, and the buffet for the wake. We said we wanted the pub in Walgrave for the wake, but Keith would have to check this evening when he went.

We chose a coffin, decided the hearse would go straight to the crematorium, and a limousine to take Mum, Sophie and me from the care home. By 2pm, we were all done, and I was mightily relieved! We emerged into a different afternoon than when we'd gone in, as the earlier sunshine had been replaced by dark clouds. I said to Keith when we drove off that I should have asked if the funeral directors had any Black Friday deals, as we also need to sort out a pre-paid funeral plan for my Mum ... only joking! I'm sure humour helps in this situation!

Before going to see Mum again, we popped to Tesco as I was desperate for a cup of tea! (We had been offered tea or coffee in the office and declined.) I bought some things we'd left off the shopping list and a Lindor Advent calendar for Sophie. When we emerged, it was pouring with rain! What a difference to the sunny morning!

We went to the care home, and Keith sat in the lounge next to Mum's living room and read the paper while I sat and chatted with her. Naturally, she was sad and quiet, and I think it's going to take a long while for her to adjust to life without my Dad.

Keith and I returned home, and I hadn't a clue what day it was! It felt like Wednesday, so it was great to realise it was Friday and the weekend was ahead of us. Keith went to the pub tonight, with strict instructions to find out whether we could have the wake, and Sophie and I finished off an open bottle of wine and watched a documentary on Netflix about a man accused of killing both his grandfather and his mother for the inheritance money. 

Keith came home far earlier than expected because a Christmas tree lights switch-on was taking place in front of the pub, and he said the place was rammed with people. Worryingly, the pub didn't seem to be able to accommodate us on the 11th, and Keith said we'd pop in tomorrow to check with the landlord. Let's keep our fingers crossed!

Getting things sorted... slowly!

As was only to be expected, I didn't sleep well last night and woke up feeling miserable and drained. Sophie took today off work as a well-being day, which was great. I just felt lucky I had both her and Keith with me.

My main mission today was letting friends and family know, something that Facebook is excellent for. I also contacted my Dad's two private pension companies to let them know online, but I have a feeling they will need a copy of the death certificate when we can get it. The funeral company also called me, and I made an appointment to see them tomorrow with Keith. 

Sophie and I made a list of things we need to do, and a tentative list of who we thought would be coming to the funeral. We all went over to Tesco at Kettering to buy Mum a couple of pairs of comfy leggings and a pot of face cream that she'd asked for. On the way, Dad's GP called and said he would call me back when I wasn't driving. 

We sat in the car park at Tesco and waited for him to call back, which he did, confirming that he had given Parkinson's disease as the main cause of death, with dementia as the second. Because of the infamous Harold Shipman murder case in the early 2000s, my Dad's death certificate had to be sent to the Medical Examiner, who might contact me over the next day or two to make sure I was happy with the verdict.

We entered the fray in Tesco to buy what we needed and then headed to the care home to see Mum. She was looking a bit frail and lost, but the carers had been keeping a good eye on her and sitting with her. She said she would miss my Dad, and I can only imagine how she felt. For the last five years, they had been inseparable. I told her about the Facebook post, but I'm not sure how much of it she took in, to be honest. I tried to talk to her about the funeral, but she didn't say whether my Dad had left any instructions. This is where I wish we'd talked about this years ago!

On the way home, we popped into the pub for a drink as I felt we all deserved one! The pub was very quiet, and we sat with our drinks at a table because Sophie and I fancied a quick bite to eat. We ordered pigs in blankets, halloumi fries and Turkish bread with a hummus dip, which was just what we needed. It was lovely to sit and relax after the events of the day and chat about what had happened and the coming weeks. I'm hoping that tomorrow we can fix a date for the funeral and start to let people know.

Back home, I called Sara to say I was taking tomorrow off, and she let me know I had five bereavement days. I'm hoping I won't need them all, as I can do a lot on Wednesday when I'm off and Thursday afternoon.

Keith prepared a spicy and delicious chilli con Carne for dinner, and after we'd eaten, we caught up with another episode of Shetland. It was great to take my mind off things!

Saying goodbye...

I waved Sophie off to work a 8am and made myself a coffee. The morning was spent pottering about, doing the usual jobs. Outside, it was cold, and the house felt chilly, so I had a soak in the bath! That always works and warms me up!

By 12.30pm, I was back downstairs and watching The Budget on television. I am always amazed when I see Parliament in progress, and how all the parties indulge in slanging matches with each other. The Deputy Speaker kept telling people off, which was quite amusing! There was major embarrassment for Labour as the details of the Budget had been leaked before Rachel Thieves had even started... I wonder who was responsible for that!

At 1.30pm, I left to go and see Mum and Dad, popping into Mawsley on the way to pick up some chocolates. When I arrived, the door to their bedroom was closed, and Mum was sitting in the living room. She looked very sad today, and she was far more morose than last week when I visited.

We couldn't see Dad as the carers were turning him, but when they'd finished, we went in, and the room was lovely. The curtains were drawn, and a soft lamp was on, with classical music playing on the CD player. My Dad was on his side and looked very much as he did when I went to see him in hospital in early November. I could tell straightaway that he hadn't got long, so we sat and chatted and listened to the music. It was very peaceful, and my Dad looked comfortable.

I left at about 3.30pm and went home, where I sat and wrote this in the kitchen. At about 4.30pm, my mobile rang, and it was one of the carers saying that Dad was deteriorating fast, and that it might be hours until the end. Even though I was expecting it, I still felt shocked.

Ten minutes later, my mobile phone rang again, and it was Alan, one of the senior carers, who said it was just a matter of minutes, so it wasn't worth my driving over. Five minutes later, my Dad passed away, just before 5pm.

I spoke to my Mum, who seemed calm, and I said I would see her tomorrow. I was just glad that she has such a great support network at the home who will look after her in the coming weeks. I felt a bit numb, but I did shed some tears when Anna called me about what happens next, and she recommended a funeral company in Kettering.

I spoke to my Mum again a little later, and again, she seemed calm and accepting of what had happened. I made a broccoli and almond soup, and we sat and chatted at the kitchen island, reminiscing about the past and talking about the next few weeks, which will require a lot of paperwork. My main concern is Mum, and the fact that she will miss him terribly, after more than sixty years together.

My Dad in Paros, 2002

Happy days